It’s almost Thanksgiving (just a few days). Soon, it will be another birthday for me. And another for my mother. Then, Christmas. And New Year’s. I don’t make resolutions because I consider myself and my life a Work In Progress as I’m always constantly working on my things (diet, fitness, mind/body, debt, time-management) on a daily basis, in fact.
Somewhere along the line of starting a family (it was along, hard road, enter two doctors, a fertility clinic which was unsuccessful—it took five years to get to that point; we were almost considering adoption or fostering); our son is a toddler, now (enter some friends moving out of state and switching jobs), I’ve seemingly lost a part of myself. I miss my friends. I lack a support system. And I can feel it. I am going through something major (emotionally) and have to deal with it by myself. It’s very complicated and I can’t divulge it in full detail, anyway. I’m feeling very lonely. I catch up with people using Facebook or some random text messages.
Here are some examples of triggers (the mounting evidence). Recently, a few weeks ago, I saw someone who might’ve been an old friend during my college days, but she didn’t recognize me, so maybe, it wasn’t her. She was a close friend but lost touch with her after she graduated, for some unknown reason (she was supposed to backpack around the world with her best friend). Years ago, I searched for her on FB but kept drawing a blank as her surname is a common one for her group. I also searched for an old friend (someone who saw me through my divorce) on FB but came across the same problem with the name, and who knows, she could have a different one if she’d married. Recently, one of my junior high best friends contacted me, and it’s like we keep missing each other with calls. I’ve also sought out old high school friends, but maybe it’s the same thing, a new name.
Life is busy. I work full-time. When I come home, it’s all about making dinner, spending some time with my son and also, tending to all the home stuff (you know, all the parts that don’t get done over the weekends—laundry, cleaning, mending, sorting, organizing, searching, switching, food prep, etc., because, well, weekends are very, very busy). Home tends to be a place where things are never-ending (there is so much “pending”). I am an optimist/ realist but the reality of our home’s situation is wearing on me (this is the other major frustrating thing); it was built in 1954 and there is a long list of things to fix (it is an entire whole letter-sized page!), but I don’t have the time or money to deal with it, right now. We want to move and get into a newer property, but like I said, there is so much “pending.” Another factor is there is pressure from family members to sell this house to one of them, but in all honesty, we have to do what is best for our family.
Anyway, it’s almost seeming like I’ve got to seek out new like-minded friends (who have children in the same age group) because, the truth is, we all need friends in our lives. (Maybe when our son goes to school, we will meet other parents. I’m hoping, anyway.) Otherwise, it’s a lonely place. And life is too short to go it alone. I suppose I need to work on time-management and make some time for friendly meet-ups, too. A few months ago, a dear friend (she’s one of the ones who’s moved out of state), came to visit, and though it was short, it was a real treat to see her and talk again, face to face (and her younger son) at a small boba place in Chinatown, plus she hadn’t seen our son since the last visit. It really reminded me of how much I miss her in my life.
I’ve had this long-time belief that it is easy to make friends, but it is harder to keep friends. And I just really miss my true friends. Need to get back on Skype again and make those calls again to reconnect again.